You Do You, Honey

Why It's So Dang Hard to Love Ourselves

As women, we spend a lot of time window-shopping online. We see so many variations of what is trending as beautiful. Whether it is fashion, home decor, or EVEN the human body. On top of that, we put up with the unsolicited comments about our own "flaws."

Let's talk about society's view of what is beautiful.

Growing up, I remember distinctly what was considered beautiful at the time. Basically, you had to be a doll (you know) with long, lean legs, blue eyes, blonde hair, and most definitely: huge, perky boobs. Those things were not optional.

Later, the skinny body was in. Toned everything.

Now, it's all about the booty.

If your predominant body part has not been on trend yet, your time will come! If it has, trust me it'll come back around.

This is a huge issue. Right now, you might have that amazing booty and thick, life-saving thighs. But what happens in a couple of years when those massive boobs are back in style? Suddenly you're not beautiful? Hello insecurities. 

Who Really Gets a Say?

We cannot control what society currently deems as "in" and "beautiful." So that can make it feel like it's completely out of our control. That simply is not the case. It is, of course, horrible that our young ones (boys and girls) have to grow up around this. But we control our own views. And if we ever want to be happy in the skin we have, and help these little kiddos grow up with a healthy view of themselves, it starts at home. It starts inside of ourselves. We do have a say. It's your feelings that matter.

Disclaimer: It's your feelings that matter, about your own beauty and health. This doesn't mean any of us get to decide what is beautiful and healthy for another human being. (True health emergencies aside.) We all start at different places. And we all have a beginning. Makeup, wardrobe, body-shaming is never okay. As women, we have to empower each other. NOT contribute to an insecurity that your sister is trying to fight off. You don't have to love someone else's style. You do have to love and empower them as an individual.

How To Love Yourself

This is a huge journey. And in the end, only you are going to be able to learn to love yourself. We'll get into deeper things later on. But here's 8 basics to get you rolling.

1. Find three things you love about yourself: One thing physical, one thing internal, and one thing you're good at. You have something unique and gorgeous about you. Even if you feel like you have nothing special to offer, dig for it. When you find the gorgeousness in you, it will be even more valuable.

2. Stop comparing yourself to other women. Celebrate their loveliness. Celebrate yours too. The differences help to create a balance. Why would you want someone else's cuteness when you have your own? Yours is special too.

3. Your vibe attracts your tribe. Yes, it's a cute, older, hipster saying. But it's true! Make sure you're putting yourself in environments that promote inner peace. Cattiness and drama - bye! Take the negative energy in your life and put it far away from you. Even if that means keeping your inner friend circle a little tighter.

4. Stop dissing yourself in public. Yes, I know it's a self-defense mechanism. I know because I was that person. But it only makes others uncomfortable and feel either awkward or the need to coddle you. (When the last thing you want is coddled.) And it just digs you deeper into the hole of self-doubt. This takes practice. But when the word-vomit starts to come up. Stop. Smile. Laugh it off.

5. Start each day with a compliment. Your training your brain to be less critical. Look at your lovely self in the mirror and tell yourself something nice. Be generous with your comments to others too.

6. Treat yourself. This may seem petty. But on a bad day, nothing feels better than to decompress and give myself a nice manicure. (Even when my nails are short from stress-nail-biting.) If my hands are cute, I feel more confident. Find that thing that gives you a confidence boost.

7. Know truly and deeply that beauty is not only on the outside. 1 Peter 3:3,4

8. Stop being afraid to love yourself. But this, but that? No - just stop. It doesn't make you self-absorbed if you have a higher than dirt opinion of yourself. If you're less critical of yourself, you will be with others too. It helps you to be a balanced and kind person. That's a good thing.

Wishing you all the best!

Disclaimer: Self-love is not limited to women. I know many men who struggle with low self esteem. I hope this blog is helpful to anyone who reads it. It is, however, from the perspective of a woman. And I would never presume to know a man's struggles.

Side note: I am eager to hear what other things you have found that are helpful! And if you try any of the above, share your progress!

xo